More Than a Grandparent — A Spiritual Influencer

There's a version of grandparenting that looks like holidays, spoiling, and stepping back. And then there's the version Scripture calls us to.

Psalm 78:4 puts it plainly: "We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done." Deuteronomy 4:9 commands it. The New Testament models it. And thousands of grandparents across the country have answered the call — committing to become not just loving grandparents, but intentional, influential, and purposeful ones.

This article draws from the Ultimate Guidebook by Legacy Coalition founder Larry Fowler — a practical, Scripture-grounded field guide built for exactly that mission. It is not a book about being a better gift-giver. It is a book about becoming a significant spiritual force in the lives of your grandchildren. And everything in this article points to that same goal.

What Does "Intentional" Actually Mean?

The word gets used a lot. But the guidebook makes it concrete: an intentional grandparent is one who has moved from hoping to influence their grandchildren's faith to actively planning to do so.

That shift requires honest self-assessment. The guidebook opens with a GRAND acrostic — five dimensions of intentional grandparenting that serve as both a compass and a mirror:

• Give grace before truth
• Restore and protect key relationships
• Abound in affection
• Nurture each grandchild's unique design
• Declare your faith through story, prayer, and presence

Each one is a chapter. Each one is a practice. And together, they form a portrait of what it looks like to grandparent on purpose.

Lead with Grace — So Truth Has a Door to Enter

The guidebook is clear on the order of operations: "We lead with grace so our grandchildren will find truth. We lead with truth so our grandchildren will receive grace."

Grace isn't the soft alternative to truth — it's the door through which truth gets heard. And nowhere is this more important than in the hard moments: the grandchild whose lifestyle choices trouble you, the adult child whose marriage is broken, the relationship that has gone silent.

Sara had been estranged from her daughter for nearly twenty years. After attending a webinar on grace-first grandparenting, she sent a simple card — no demands, no ultimatums, just grace extended. The relationship was fully restored.

When conflict does arise, the guidebook offers the PEACEFUL framework — a structured, step-by-step approach to hard conversations that begins with prayer and space before words, and ends with a solution that honors everyone. It won't resolve every situation. But it reflects the character of the God who "opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble" (1 Peter 5:5).

The Relationship with Parents Is the Gateway

Before you can grandparent your grandchildren well, you must tend to your relationship with their parents. This is one of the most important — and most overlooked — truths in the entire guidebook: the path to influence in the lives of grandchildren leads directly through the relationship with the parents.

Brad learned this the hard way. His face betrayed his disapproval of his grandson's veganism. He said nothing — but his daughter told him afterward: "You didn't have to, Dad — your face said it all." That unguarded moment cost him relational ground it took months to recover.

Michael and Camille took a different road. When their daughter Jerri remarried after an affair, they chose to support her new marriage rather than withheld approval. "We don't want this marriage to fail. So we will do everything we can to love you and support you from this point forward." The result: both Jerri and her husband grew in faith, and the family relationship was fully restored.

The guidebook's practical challenge: rate each parent relationship from 1 to 5, then choose two or three specific action steps — affirm their parenting, ask forgiveness for past overreach, listen more, treat them as the capable adults they are. Small moves. Real results.

Abound in Affection — Unconditionally

The guidebook doesn't mince words: "NO grandchild should ever doubt the love of their grandparents."

Unconditional love is not soft. It is the most powerful thing you have to offer — especially in a world where your grandchildren are absorbing messages every day about their worth, their identity, and whether they are truly known and accepted.

"For a child, the unconditional love of a grandparent is a sanctuary for the soul and a shield for the heart."

Consider Monty Christensen. A life of crime. Foster homes. Multiple prison sentences. Until a frail 77-year-old man named Truman Dragoo simply loved him — without condition, without agenda. Truman told Monty: "They told me that if they ever had a son, they would want him to be just like me. They said that I was the son they never had." Monty surrendered his life to Christ in June 1974. That is the power of unconditional love expressed through one person willing to give it.

The guidebook offers practical, age-specific guidance:

• Infants and young children: physical touch — big hugs, cuddling, rocking, a gentle voice
• Growing children: touch plus intentional verbal affirmation of character traits that reflect the fruit of the Spirit
• Preteens and teens: shift to side hugs; keep assuring them your love is constant even when you have concerns
• Young adults: celebrate their victories, listen more than you speak, be available on their timetable

And to grandfathers specifically, the guidebook says: "Say 'I love you and God does too.' Often. Write it. Text it. Show it on your face and let them feel it in your hugs."

Nurture Their Unique Design

Every grandchild is, as Psalm 139:14 declares, "fearfully and wonderfully made." Not just created — crafted. A one-of-a-kind masterpiece.

While parents manage the daily rhythms of discipline and routine, grandparents have a rare gift: the ability to step back and see the bigger picture. To observe who each grandchild is becoming, not just what they did or didn't do this week. To be the one who notices the gift no one else has named yet.

"Be the one who draws out their personality, cheers for their talents, and applauds their efforts."

Tanner struggled at baseball, soccer, and school. His grandmother saw something different — she saw a boy with a God-given design that hadn't found its expression yet. Kennedi, fifteen, had withdrawn into depression. Her mother asked her grandmother Janet to step in and encourage her. That investment — unhurried, consistent, rooted in genuine belief in who Kennedi was — became the turning point.

The guidebook offers two specific strategies based on temperament: for timid grandchildren, create low-stakes moments where they can demonstrate their strengths and build confidence. For strong-willed grandchildren, offer two equally good choices and let them decide — giving them appropriate control while guiding the outcome.

Distance Won't Stop You — Unless You Let It

One of the most common things grandparents say is: "I just don't get to see them very often." The guidebook pushes back gently but firmly.

George and Kathy had thirteen grandchildren spread across two coasts and Europe. Luis and Rachel lived five minutes from their only grandchildren — and were regularly pushed off with "we're just busy this weekend." Proximity is not the variable. Intentionality is.

The guidebook offers 18 practical ways to shorten the distance — from weekly video calls and handwritten postcards to reading a book together on FaceTime, recording "God story" videos, and even using AI to create a personalized song for a grandchild. Every idea is accessible, affordable, and actionable today.

Then there's Jen. Every single week her granddaughter Kelli was in college, Jen sent a postcard. Always encouraging. Always faithful. Kelli always said thank you — but Jen didn't know the full impact until graduation day, when Kelli led her to her dorm room and pulled out a ribbon-tied stack of approximately 150 postcards: "See, I've kept every postcard you sent me — and I plan on keeping them forever."

You may never know the full impact of your faithfulness. Don't stop.

Pray with Passion, Purpose, and Regularity

James 5:16b says it plainly: "The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results."

Intentional grandparents are not casual prayers. They are:

• Passionate — they put heart and soul into interceding for their grandchildren
• Purposeful — they pray specifically for spiritual growth, not just safety, health, and success
• Regular — they have a daily habit, not just occasional bursts of concern

Lance was working fifty hours a week. He loved his grandchildren but rarely remembered to pray for them. Tamara had prayed faithfully for years — but now that her grandchildren were young adults with no interest in spiritual things, she was tempted to give up. Both needed the same reminder: "Weakness is a preferred position for prayer, because it demands dependency upon God."

The guidebook provides a personalized fill-in-the-blank prayer template drawn from Colossians 1:9–12 — simple, powerful, and immediately usable. You don't need eloquence. You need faithfulness.

Number Your Days — Then Use Them Well

Psalm 90:12: "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Billy Graham once reflected: "The greatest surprise in my life is the brevity of life. I never dreamed life was going to be so short."

One grandfather, John, subtracts 7 from a number on his calendar every Wednesday. It keeps him focused — a weekly reminder that time is moving and what matters most deserves action today. Steven needed a Harley accident to redirect his retirement toward what he'd always meant to get around to. Elise, given two to three years to live, spent every remaining day writing letters and speaking blessings over her grandchildren.

You don't need a crisis to feel the urgency. You just need honesty about the time you have — and the will to use it well. As one grandparent put it: "Spend time with grandkids; one day you will either say, 'I wish I had,' or 'I'm glad I did.'"

Spend Time With Them — No More Excuses

The guidebook names eight common reasons grandparents fail to spend enough time with their grandchildren — and responds to each one directly:

• "I'm too busy" → It's all about priorities. Plan visits and use your phone and internet connection.
• "They're too busy" → Many grandchildren are surprisingly available when grandma or grandpa come calling.
• "They live too far away" → Work on the parent relationship in the meantime; proximity follows trust.
• "I'm too old to relate to today's kids" → You can learn a lot just by having conversations with them.
• "I don't have enough money" → There are plenty of low-cost or no-cost activities you can do together.
• "Their parents don't want us around" → Invest in that relationship — it's the gateway.
• "I'm through raising kids" → They don't need you to run and play. They just want to be with you.
• "I have a physical disability" → Presence is the gift. You don't have to perform.

The best way to impact your grandchildren is in person, face to face, heart to heart. Everything else is supplemental.

Tell Them Your Story

The most repeated directive to grandparents in all of Scripture is to be a storyteller. Yet only about 10% of grandparents have ever shared their salvation story with their grandchildren.

Bill was a church elder — decades of faithful service across every ministry imaginable. But at a grandparenting seminar he broke down: "Why haven't I ever thought about sharing my testimony with my grandchildren? How could I have missed it?"

Your story — your family background, the faith you inherited or discovered, the seasons of doubt and the moments of clarity, the prayers answered and the ones still waiting — is the most irreplaceable thing you have to offer. No curriculum can substitute for it.

"Grandchildren may forget our advice and lectures, but they will certainly remember our stories."

Tell them. Write it down. Record a video. Leave a letter. Give your grandchildren the gift of knowing who you are and what God has done in your life. Exodus 10:2, Deuteronomy 4:9, and Psalm 145:4 all command it. And your grandchildren need it more than they know.

Give Them the Gospel — It's Everything

Every chapter in the guidebook builds toward this one. Because at the end of a life of intentional grandparenting, the one thing that matters above all else is whether your grandchildren know Jesus.

"I want my grandkids in heaven with me. There is nothing I want more — nothing."

Billy Graham said it this way: "I am convinced the greatest act of love we can ever perform for people is to tell them about God's love for them in Christ."

The guidebook introduces the "Gospel Wheel" — a non-linear gospel framework built around four elements, each with a scriptural anchor, and no required starting point:

• God — holy and loving (Revelation 4:8b, John 3:16)
• Man — sinful and condemned (Romans 3:23, 6:23)
• Cross — God's action paying the penalty (Romans 5:8)
• Trust — man's response of faith (Acts 16:31)

The most succinct summary of the whole gospel: 1 Corinthians 15:1–4.

And then there's Jon and Amy — grandparents to eleven. At their family Christmas celebration, before the traditional reading of the Christmas story and singing of the Doxology, Jon read aloud My Wish of All Wishes. All twenty people in the room — including all eleven grandchildren — went completely silent. When he read the last page, without any prompt, "the room erupted with 'I want you in Heaven with me!'" They had been praying that moment would also reach Jon's father-in-law. It did.

That is what intentional grandparenting looks like at its fullest. Not a perfect family. Not a flawless legacy. Just a grandparent who refused to let the most important thing go unsaid.

The Guidebook That Ties It All Together

Everything in this article comes directly from one resource — a 68-page workbook designed to move grandparents from intention to action, from declaration to practice, from loving their grandchildren to influencing them for eternity.

The Ultimate Guidebook by Larry Fowler includes real-life stories, Scripture-based principles, self-assessments, prayer templates, and "Put It into Practice" exercises across 14 chapters — covering every dimension of what it means to be a Grand grandparent: giving grace, restoring relationships, abounding in affection, nurturing each grandchild's God-given design, declaring your faith through story and prayer, and giving them the gospel.

It is the most practical grandparenting resource Legacy Coalition offers. And it belongs in the hands of every grandparent who is serious about leaving a lasting spiritual legacy.

→ Get your copy of the Ultimate Guidebook

You Are Not Too Late

You don't need a theology degree. You don't need a perfect family history. You don't need unlimited time or proximity or the right words.

You need a willing heart and a first step.

Maybe that's sending a text right now. Or writing a name in a prayer journal. Or picking up the phone and asking: "Can I tell you something about my life that I've never told you before?"

The grandparents who leave a lasting legacy aren't the ones who had the most. They're the ones who gave the most of what they had — faithfully, consistently, over time, pointed toward eternity.

Take courage. Start today.

Blessings,
Your Team at Legacy Coalition

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The Ultimate Guidebook is available now in the Legacy Coalition Store. Paperback, 68 pages, 8.5 × 11 — designed to be written in, prayed over, and put to work.